Saturday, August 25, 2007
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life is gay
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Today is probably the loneliest day in my life. Normally, even when i'm alone, i still get to play and socialise with online friends, at worst i'd play and team up with complete strangers in wc3. However, today wasn't a day i did all those. It was a day where for the first time, i have no idea what to do infront of the computer. I couldn't stone, theres no one to chat, wasn't interested in playing games (at least, alone or wif complete strangers), nothing to surf on internet explorer. I've rewatched episode 21 over and over till i'm sick of it but still.. time didn't fly, it crawled. I spent the whole day in my room lying around, unable to concentrate on the maths book i have on my desk. What went wrong with me? i'd be glad if someone can provide me some answers because i've got no clue. Everything was a drag today.. it was a torture. Your mind is simply at a whirl knowing that i have too much time yet not enough time at the same time. Plenty of time to study yet i can't get into the mood. Its this kind of conflicting thoughts that has been storming in my brain for the past few days.. or weeks. Not to mention the recent nuclear bomb that landed smack on my face when i was studying. It screwed my mind up and i tink almost all my brain cells are dead or almost dead now. I may look much unaffected by it as compared to the other party but i tink i am indeed pretty much drained by it. Because of it, past events have came back to haunt me and its eating away my sanity. ffs. How i wish i can just erase all the stuff in my brain and start anew by mugging. Its the same as the kind of feeling u'd feel when ur com gets hit by a virus and u can't pinpoint which files r infected.. even if u do u'd feel that ur com isn't "clean" anymore and you would end up reformatting it. Thats the feeling i'm having now.. to reformat my mind. But what to do? life's a pain.. u can't have things ur way. No matter how much u want, things just don't. At this rate, i think i'll go mad before the A levels.
ok. heres a list of due/overdued/intended to complete stuff that i haven't done:
1. Finish hypothesis testing
2. Do physics "Name Cards"
3. Do physics Data analysis
4. Do source based question on UN
5. Revise probability
6. ...
doubt i can finish any though. Every second sux at the moment. Anyway to sidetrack abit, this morning i had the wierdest dream. I dreamt of being enlisted into the army O.o and wei kuan was in the same group/team/platoon(watever u call it) as me. Its funny how i always dread going to commando yet i dreamt of me being as one. Anyway nothing much to mention except for the part where mr tay appeared in there when wei kuan and i was trying to fetch a cab because we were late for reporting. Guess wat, he stole the cab! i got pissed like how i was super pissed off when he ignored me at the gate yesterday. Then i said "shit now i'm AWOL" and i woke up. lol?
つづく
||Konota|| popped by at [10:44 PM]*